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The Thursday night before New Years marked my first clubbing experience: Icon Ultra Lounge in LA.  woooo0o0o0o00oo.  So Wilber and I were doing our thang on the dance floor … until all of a sudden this Asian guy in a stupid fedora comes along and elbows me in the back even though there is plenty of space and starts giggling like a little girl to his friend.  I turn around and ask him what the fuck his problem is and his friend tries to keep me off of him.  Of course, they were two big, 21+ guys and I’m this puny gay boy who can’t really do anything.  Wilber pulls me away and as much as I hated it, I guess this was one of those things that I just had to let go.  

So here’s a big “fuck you” to that guy I met at the club.  It’s because of people like you that I drive so aggressively, it’s because of people like you that I was bullied when I was a kid, and it’s because of people like you that I’m still even getting bullied today. wtf

I don’t like getting stepped on.  There are some people in this world who think they can do whatever they want to whomever they want with no worry, but as soft-spoken as I may be, I promise you that they won’t be taking advantage of me.

“Dad … you know … I …”

“What? Speak up, I can’t hear you.”

Who is this Dad? He waited until his deaf days to let his son speak, but by then, the time to listen was already long gone.

I’ve been eighteen since April 7th; that’s about 259 days of being eighteen.  Major changes within that time period?  Let’s see, I graduated from high school, I went off to college, and now I’m back home for winter break.  Major things that have stayed the same?…  My curfew is 11PM; 12 ish if I manage to push it.  And now I’m back to sleeping right in between my parents.  I didn’t think much about it at first but after asking for permission to stay out and getting rejected repeatedly … I don’t know.  It’s time to take another look at myself.

I am eighteen.  I receive grants and scholarships, as well as taking out loans in order to fund my education.  My parents don’t have to pay for any of it, but they provide me with spending money and a car to get to and from home.  They don’t ask me to do much, but in doing so, it’s left me at a disadvantage.

I am eighteen, but I don’t feel like I’m living up to its fullest extent.  First step: sleeping on the couch (in the living room).  Second step: Rage this Friday with no curfew (or a very late one).  Third step: financial independence (getting a job ((after winter break ….. heheh)) ).  Fourth step: familial independence (stop visiting home so much!!).  It’s not that I’m unappreciative or anything, it’s just that I deserve more respect.  Four steps, I think that’s good enough for now.